moi unique life.

2010-01-10T12:40:00.002+08:00

life is a bitch; and love is a pain.

it's a bitch to love someone, and it's conisdered fortunate to be loved.

given a choice.

will u go love someone and get ur heart broken?
or
will u let someone love u and just be on the recieving end?

to give, or to take?

2009-12-30T19:56:00.002+08:00

locking up the true inner self.

building layers after layers of concerete walls around that fragile heart.

wearing that mask that helps to make others happy; blending oneself into that normal world.

how long must it last before one can be responsible for nothing?

2009-12-04T23:00:00.002+08:00

life have to improve.

a style of my own must be uncovered.

tons to be done.

in search of my unique style of LIFE *

...the journey beginnings now.

2009-11-30T22:22:00.003+08:00

the feeling of dragging oneself to work is back in me.

at times,

i wonder if it's the people there or is it purely me: sending me negative energy - boosting me to push myself away from that particular place/situation/person.

not a new feeling; i know this feeling.. from a long long time.

2009-11-29T13:38:00.002+08:00

back from bangkok.

freaking need to organise my life - simplicity is what i need.

2009-10-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

diu diu diu...

fuck.

2009-10-26T23:33:00.003+08:00

with the same character, same actions, same words, same tone..

there will be people who hates you, and people who loves you - no matter if in reality you're an angel or demon.

how do we even determine goodness and badness in one human, in the so-called real world?

in fact, how do we even determine 'real'?

perception.

that's my guess.

believing in things that only one wants to believe.

2009-10-20T22:26:00.002+08:00

all i ever wanted was..

upon reaching home after a long day at work,
a superb tired me can have a big warm hug from u.

after a nice shower, i can snuggle in bed with u - updating each other with our day, sharing our woes, laughing at our silly mistakes made, giving each other suggestions...

and finally falling asleep in each others' arms.

and *BOOM* ...i woke up realising it's all nothing but an wishful thought of stupid me.

2009-10-12T19:07:00.002+08:00

commitment vs. freedom

as much as the yearning of wanting a stable life with the special someone,
yet at times the playful side of you will throw you doubts and questions.

craving for fun. the lure of temptations.

how can one be faithful and yet playful at the same time?

xoxo

at times, being too imaginative caused problems.

2009-10-08T06:32:00.003+08:00

just a thought:

chemistry - a funny tinkle that you feel for a special someone leads to.. LOVE over time - of understanding each other needs and wants, the urge to be with each other for life leads to.. I DO, the most important promise between couples, walking down the aisle, building a family leads to.. RESPONSIBILITY - to your kids, to your in-laws but never your husband.

xoxo

08 October 2009!

cherrie's BIG WEDDING DAY!

(: (: (:

xoxo

writing's my passion.

writing is the best way to communicate my thoughts and feelings.

2009-10-06T21:35:00.002+08:00

changes.

every single second.

people - they come and go.

weird to most, even me - but eye-candy's leaving.

tired - mentally and physically.

needs a break from work,

needs a break from people..

in fact, all i need is a break away from singapore.

~~missing 852.~~

2009-09-11T21:15:00.003+08:00

feels totally awesome!

been ages since my last "sweat it out"

must remember this good feeling,

so i'll be consistant and be motivated to exercise every alternate days!

putting on weight - scaryyy*

needs to start my dieting and exercise now now now!

darlin`s been in crappy mood recently..

that makes me feels like crap too):

hope things in his career will turn for the better and his hard work gonna pay!

let's jia youuu together!!!

1 deal closed by this month for you,

and more rps for me!

mse mse mse mse mse mse mseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

gambatte!

***

2009-09-02T19:39:00.003+08:00

looking forward to our bangkok trip in november!

80days* (:

meanwhile, let's work hard for our different sales!!!

darlin` try to close ur first deal soon!

and i'll try to close my first RP soon!

***

2009-08-30T23:37:00.003+08:00

attitude.

good or bad.

positive or negative.

changes how we view life.

changes how we react to life.

changes how we behave in everyday life.

oh!

missing darlin` day and night.

loving darlin` more as days goes by.

sticking to darlin` by his side.

and please let everyday of life be that simple - that fulfilling - that lovely - that happy*

2009-08-20T18:45:00.002+08:00

i wonder
i ponder
i think

...what exactly am i in this world for?

like a lost soul, wandering the streets of emptiness.

roaming aimlessly, diving into the arms of wrong people i thought were right.

in and out.

hurt and heal.

the journey continues,
again and again - same old mistakes were made.

is this another mistake i've made? yet again.

prove me wrong.
make me believe.
teach me trust.

...if u're finally the right one.

if not,

prove me right.
make me believe.
teach me hate.

2009-08-18T21:24:00.001+08:00

when all u want and need simply doesn't come..
when all the simple things in life seems so difficult and complicated..

sickie.. all i need is time, yet all i can do is run and hide.

2009-08-17T19:40:00.002+08:00

been sick for the past few days.
fever with fluuuu*
in fact, im still feeling sickie ):

forget the sick sick part,
weekends was great!
simple and relaxing ...with darlin` and a yummy family dinner(:

not forgetting the most probably confirmed bangkok trip with hun in november!
looking-forward to my first trip to bangkok(:
taiwan gonna wait >.<

will be settling all the air tickets, hotel-bookings by this saturday - hopefully!

*sniff sniff - cough cough

~~missing 852 too~~

2009-08-14T10:26:00.002+08:00

though he claimed he knew what she needs,
and claimed that he will be able to provide her with the needs.

but the truth is, he cannot afford to give - in the long run.
though, he did try very hard initially to fulfill his words.

she knew he tried to provide in the beginning,
but as time passes, environment changes, things changes.

she no longer feel secured, because she no longer feel the love.

disappointments. insecurity.

and now, she's on her journey to hiding inside her own shell again.

back to the saying: no expectations, no disappointments.

something unique about her,
no matter what - she will be alone in the end.

2009-08-04T00:06:00.001+08:00

step by step.

aim for the week: close at least 1 deal*

jia youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

***

2009-07-30T22:55:00.002+08:00

mayb let me put it this way..

you just haven't come to understand what i really want and need from you; and you haven't come to understand how to treat and handle me the way that will tame/pacify me.

***

2009-07-28T23:40:00.003+08:00

life is like a roller coaster ride,

there are ups and downs.

now, your roller coaster ride of life is going down down down..

don't worry though,

when there's down, there's definately be UP!

sit back, relax and enjoy(:

the worse will pass, and the good will come*

but no matter what..

you have me ❤

2009-07-17T00:04:00.003+08:00

the problem of us is me.

it's me, my expectations and purely me-attitude that sets me apart, made me such a difficult gf to handle.

love me for who i am, and u'll not regret - even if things might get really ulgy at times.

risk it, or miss it.

2009-07-09T23:35:00.002+08:00

confusion.

when the past and memories are the only places u can hide.

the prick in the heart, nudging me once again.

re-living the heart-aches moments.

will this tiny prick be nudging me forever?

highly possible.

2009-07-08T07:59:00.001+08:00

in need to control my diet once again.

do it.

2009-07-08T00:31:00.003+08:00

weird; kinda miss hk.

2009-07-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

finally, im going for my MT training tmr.

kinda excited - about the tiny weeny advancement in my career, the coming new job scope, the new people that i'll be meeting tmr and eventually the new working environment after 03aug`

in my life,
i don't have big dreams like others, and i won't take big risk - though people always say:

~~"high risk, high returns"~~

rather, i take small steps - achieving my very own little goals and aims - in the life journey towards my final destination.

faith is within.

...

it must be the bad weather,
it must be this unfair world.
frustration been harrassing me!

and i ask: " why blame everything and everyone else but myself.."

2009-07-01T21:42:00.003+08:00

N reasons why 01 July 2009 is S unlucky day.

01 her ez-link card failed her this morning! it just refuse to get detact by the machine, and that caused her to miss the 10am train.

02 thinking that she doesn't want to be late for work, she decided to take a cab down - via KPE will take her around 20mins max and definitely below $12 - however, she board the cab at 10.05am and reached suntec city at 10.55am!!! wft ..and instead of $12 (the last ride cost about $10), she end up paying $18. damn.

...and the worse thing, the cab uncle... oh whatever! im so not gonna cab for the whole month of July!!! angry!!!

03 and here comes some BIG SHOT from the headquarters, and she had to wander the streets till about 11.45am before she can get dressed and enter her work place (her boss had actually told 2 white lies to 2 different big shots to cover her late-ness, opps).

04 after sucha bad morning, things didn't improve in the afternoon - crazy customers with funny questions and requests - damn, don't even wanna talk about them.

05 i've got a new blister on my left tiny toe when im not even wearing a new nor an extremely tight shoe - wft*2

06 the surveryer was here to assess my work place, and im so hungry when he left an hour later - i ate an up-sized macspicy meal with NO leftovers! OMG! WEIGHT CRISIS ):

07 my bf called after work and told me change of plans for the weekends because his stupid workplace changed his weekend's work schedule! arghhhhhhh! SO ANGRY!!!

that's not all but.. ~!@#$%^&*(@$%^&

xoxo

happy 27 + 1* birthday to Cherrie! (:

2009-06-18T21:59:00.002+08:00

我变了，
变得跟以往的我很不一样。。

是因为我长大了，成熟了？
追寻的东西以不一样了。

还是。。现在的这个我才是真正的我？
而以往的我只是一直不断的压抑着自己。

突然的变化让我有一点不习惯。。

好想快一点认识我自己！

...

reminder to me:

just be yourself.
please no one but yourself, for you are the key to your own happiness.
love the ones who deserved your love.
love is bitter sweet, love truely - as least there will not be regrets.

and i know baby huni buni is worth me loving* (:

2009-06-12T01:19:00.002+08:00

...

hate it when i feel unloved.
hate it when i feel unwanted.
hate it when i feel uncherished.
hate it when i feel neglected.
hate it when i feel alone.

hate it when i've expectations.
hate it when i hope.
hate it when i dream.
hate it when i care.
hate it when i love.

love is bitter sweet; and i never fail to fall too deep.
which will definitely break me, kill me one fine day.

i hate to love, but i can't resists love.

u don't know me enough, to understand me.

beautifully insane,
insanity is just me with my little 'spark'

2009-05-30T07:09:00.004+08:00

Indonesia (Batam) trip to Harris Resort was sweet*

our first trip but never gonna be the last.
since 28th march, it has been 2months ❤

nothing but simply pure happiness(:

...and i hope it last till the end*

2009-05-24T21:18:00.002+08:00

too serious, too soon.

must must must not let it out of control - though already running out of hand.

in control.

time for a cold shower down that "heat"

kill me.

2009-05-13T00:28:00.004+08:00

my love, my fate

you will fade away.

过去当在看电影，世界当没有你

...

when the official still lived in the dark, like a shadow of a ghost - unable to dance in the light of acknowledgement, applause and admiration.

dancing alone in the cold,
she dance, swirl and when the music of autumn leaves died away..
there she stands, smiling with those tears rolling and the blood flowing

beautiful insanity*

2009-05-07T12:25:00.007+08:00

exams:

~~07 May - Principle of Sociology~~

~~08 May - Statistics 1~~

~~12 May - Mathematics 1~~

~~15 May - Introduction to Economics~~

~~21 May - Introduction to Business & Management~~ DONE!!! :D - 21may`09 7.15pm

boo.. can't wait for 21 May to come come come!!!

and and and...my pretty face is destroyed overnight by the sudden outbreak of those evil tiny ~~DOTS DOTS~~ called - pimples):

2009-05-03T16:24:00.002+08:00

simply love the way u bond with my family* (:
getting them involved with us, our activities - like a big family rather than 2 individuals.

making sure that everyone is happy at the end of the day.

it's very important to me ❤

...and mayb u're right, im fortunate to have u by my side(:

2009-05-02T09:44:00.002+08:00

boo!

how stupid of me last night to let my thoughts run wild):

breathe.. breathe.. breathe..

and now the heart has calm down,
evil thoughts being shooed far far away..

im contented with my life once again(:

2009-05-01T23:44:00.003+08:00

...

the past should have been forgotten.
the past should not have been mentioned.
for the past is nothing but the hurdle that makes me fall again and again, the poison that end my remaining journey forward.

the past is haunting me, still.
it changed me, it breaks me - it built this "wall" around my broken heart, and hid me well.

i'd gave 100% once,
i'd tried yet again and gave 100% twice.

but love simply fail me.
and they simply crushed me.

i'd love to love u they way i do in the past,
but im scared, in fact too scared to even try giving the most fundamental - and what i did is, i simply hide - hide behind that "u-like-me-more-than-i-like-u" bullshit. and it's bullshit simply because.. love cannot be measured.

i'd love to tell u, "i love u too"
i'd love to text u, "baby, where are u? miss u to bits and pieces"
i'd love to announce that, "im in a relationship with ..."
i'd love to write u letters on those pretty letter papers..
i'd love to make u feel im serious about us too.
i'd love to let u know about my worries and unhappiness..
i'd love to make u cookies, cakes and small little things just to see ur smile..
i'd love to grow old with u, if time allow us to - and be ur girl always..

i'd love to do so many so many things..

but, im sorry - timid, broken me am just too scared to give it one more try..

the strong, happy girl that u see each day,
is in fact just a fragile, broken little girl who simply can't walk out of her darkness.

all she wants is to feel..

loved.
cared.
needed.
wanted.
respected.
appreciated.

that u're proud to have her as ur beloved,
and not see her as a fool/burden that disgrace u.

im just too scared.. too scared..

too scared to give.
too scared to love.
too scared to start anew.
too scared to end things when the time is here.

im just too worried/scared..

hate to start anew.
hate to end things.
hate to feel abondoned and unwanted.
hate to be alone - loneliness makes me further depressed.
hate to be played.

so much on my mind,
so little words to express oneself.

yearning to feel "pain"
but it's not a right thing to be doing - now.
looking at the scars, a reminder of stupidity and foolishness.

an act of the past, should be left hehind in the past.

2009-04-28T00:54:00.002+08:00

270409*

❤❤❤ and im happier too* (:

bless me, you, and us* (:

2009-04-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

happy 23rd birthday to... ME* (:

❤❤❤ everything till date*

love might be given one more chance, afterall(:

2009-04-18T02:26:00.002+08:00

5 in the morning, and someone just clicked off the phone*

excited about the 18th!!!
which is today* :P

very much being loved* (:

love might be given one more chance.

2009-04-14T22:31:00.002+08:00

it's once again the 14th.

and i never fail to feel depressed on every 14th.

be it the past, now or... mayb the future too?

14th.. supposed to be a special date/number.
yet now, it's just a depressing number that will be remembered for life.

2009-04-10T04:20:00.002+08:00

feels good. totally awesome!

happy with my hair, and weight! - though i wanna lose another 3 - 4kgs.. people are starting to complain i looked too skinny): mayb just 3kg more.

it just feels extremely good winning(:

...mahjong! heehee extra cash for the week :P

and and and... it's just uber sweet of u* texting me from korea >.<

time to sleep.
needa wake up at 8am for my 10am revision class.. haiii~ greyyy

2009-04-09T00:17:00.003+08:00

counting...

10days till my 23rd birthday * (:
~can't wait for the miners mini celebration!!! hope it gonna be so fun heehee

06days till someone's back from Korea...
~kinda missu a little already >.<

03days till fortune-telling session with kelvin.

03days till dinner with baby ariel!!! love love love* <3

...can't wait to do my hair tmr!!!

2009-04-04T20:46:00.002+08:00

amazing.. amazingly sweet* (:

since 28march'09 till date.

and.. and.. 14april'09 will be "results" day - be it sweet or blant.

it'll be a lie to say im totally not bothered by it.
this uncomfy feelin in the heart, at times - makes me angry with myself.
but who am i to blame? ..or who have the rights to blame me?

for as im only human too.

2009-03-29T03:52:00.000+08:00

question.

how did it happen?

why did it happen?

2009-03-26T22:14:00.003+08:00

刚刚眼泪差一点点就不受控了。。还好没事(:
sometimes, i guess it's only when one can start talking freely about the past - without any fear, anger, sadness - in short, without any emotions and only smile and laugh at the silly moments - that's when one had finally let go and move on with life.

frankly, i still haven't able to achieve that.
though, im trying every day - bit by bit.. and if it failed for that day, i'll just let my emotions take over and just cry; when the tears stop flowing, i'll just try even harder tmr.

每一天，我会尽量学习放手。。
今天不行，明天再努力！

im just a stupid girl.
stupid enough to try making a sour breakup looks "mutual" to others
so that he won't feel so bad, and people around me won't dislike him as much.

letting people screw my life - studies and work, and yet... ha...

笑我笨
笑我懒好人
笑我心太软
笑我把爱情看得太重要

笑吧，笑吧，笑吧。。

im still too young to understand and deal with love.
i'll just step out of this 爱情圈圈 till the time has come - mayb a year, mayb 2.. mayb 3.. actually mayb forever..

humans are too unpredictable.
promises are too disappointing.
hugs are too fake.
kisses are too lusty.
and..

love is too scary.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-24T23:54:00.002+08:00

失控了，对不起。

in control, i must - 可是emo 了一场后，心情好象有些需的好转..

听着那些忧伤与悲哀的歌，泪流满面 - and i took the courage to actually start listening to those cantonese songs i used to love - still remember when things just got bad... i refused to speak/listen/watch anything regarding in cantonese or related to hk and im so sure i'll never step onto that piece of land anymore - with the only fact that im scared (and initially hated everything related to him so much - country included) i'll lose it once i start reliving, recalling, remembering those memories..

it's time.

my love, my fate - you will fade away.
过去当一场电影，世界当没有你。

so hard on me, yet there's no other choice.

mayb GOD can help walk me through this pit-bottom journey of my life.
bringing some light into the darkness, turning my pitch black world into greyness.. and than slowly decolorised - and when the time is right, i'll help myself with adding colours - and this time i'll be extremely careful with the colors im gonna add, keeping to pastel colors for a safe, stable and simple life - protecting the already incompleted, inconsolable fragile heart of a broken girl.

my blog's becoming the undeniable - 失落部落阁

this is so bad - yet, this is just me; the real me - 真实的我，而不是戴上面具后的“她”

...

depressed issues aside - im just glad to have met and gotten updates of my small friend and a old friend just now.

also experienced my first 求签 at 四马路的观音庙; so true yet so don't wanna face it.. but i know, i must - there's no running away..

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-24T10:30:00.002+08:00

such nice weather to sleep in, with the smell of rain and cool breeze.
and yet, i'd slept for less than 6hours.

age's catching up and if i don't sleep enough im gonna have such bad skin, extremely dark dark eye rings, puffy eyes and everything ugly will come. hell no! can't let that happen! but... oh, whatever.

why's my lappie giving me problems?
is it a hint for me to get a new one soon...?
or should i just get a desktop instead?
hmmm.

running late for lunchie with small friend..

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

and all of a sudden,
im fucking pissed off by you.

feeling the anger rising.
damn. in need of serious anger management..
feeling the tears forming.
damn damn damn. in serious need of memory lost..

life's a bitch.
love's a lie.

you're happy.
im not not NOT!
and never WILL!!

breathe breathe breathe... breathe..........

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-23T02:23:00.002+08:00

3am - the nightly time for me to just fall asleep.

nights like tonight, sitting in front of my desktop doing nothing at all is becoming a routine... and it's only at times like this makes me tired and exhuasted enough to fall asleep soon after without hours of flipping in bed, mind filled with unwanted thoughts.

but this can't go on... fucking need good quantity and quality beauty sleep!

just let me wait up one day and forget everything and just walk on life without a single memory of the past - only then there will be a chance for a new start.

i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't know.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-20T02:20:00.002+08:00

re-read the msn conversation,
and tears just roll.

u're right,
crying has been my bedtime story for many nights.
and it will still be my bedtime story tonight and the many many nights down the weeks, months and years ahead of my life.

im still not ready, never gonna be ready to start anew.
never never never - a definate NEVER.

i need sleep.
if only i could.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-20T01:41:00.002+08:00

sleepless night, again.

been days - weeks or since that day?
sleeping only after 2am when im extremely tired,
waking up at 9am or earlier for a whole day's work.
even on my off days - i woke up at 9am.

i feel guilty for not wearing the ring,
especially after that night.

i wanna put the ring back on my finger,
but one of my friends told me that i must not, or i'll never walk out of this shadow/fear/depression in my whole life.

can i just die?
it will be easier.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-18T20:52:00.002+08:00

and tonight - the superb uncomfy feeling in the heart, stronger than any other day.
it's like pulling, nudging, tugging that fragile 'spot' - making me wanna just die away.

the throat is dry, the heart is bleeding - and here im, with a wannabe blank mind and thoughts of never needing to remember/think/recall/know/understand anything ever again. mayb i'll be better if one day, my memories of every day of my 22years of life since the day im born - GONE* (totally)

then mayb that's when i'll smile again - a smile that comes from the heart and not the skin.

breathe. breathe. breathe.
im telling myself now.

please let me breathe.
please let me stablised my heart.
please let me just breathe.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-17T00:34:00.001+08:00

it just feels wrong.
totally wrong - to be feeling this way.

i read.
i hurt.
i runaway even more.

sleep. i need sleep.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-13T23:48:00.002+08:00

10 more mins to the 14th of the month.
14th supposed to be special - 3years 4months supposedly - yet now, it's 14th the death soul. 14th when love turns hate, and hatred only i feel for the rest of my life - because im me, just too good remembering the pain, lies and betrayal people brought me - i might not remember the good, but i sure remember the bad - bet on that, and my advice? "try me"

i don't know what's wrong with me the whole of today.
frustration and anger is all i felt - impatience too.
oh no. mayb it's just pure hatred that's raging inside me.
it seems the whole world is totally fucked up - by people, situations, things, events etc.
in fact, my hate for life seems to be growing, raging like an unstoppable fire - that will never be comforted, never be dim - let alone put out.

there's this uncomfy feeling in the heart - nudging me, reminding me - of things i refuse to remember, things im running away from, and most probably will - be running away forever. if i have to run forever, i will.

on the verge of crying so many times today, yet i didn't drop a single tear.
emotions have to be hidden - especially when it's weakness that's trying to show.

rage. anger. frustration. hate - i'll happily display.

this is not going to be a happy sweet life.
but a life filled with raging hatred and death - negativism.
most probably im gonna be feed on the hate that's within me to survive this life.
so...

fuck the world.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-03-09T23:27:00.003+08:00

it's gonna be a month in 30mins.

this time - im not as insane, not as depressed, not as much tears as the one before.
most probably because i've grow up - 23 this coming april as compared to when i was 18?
oh well, not that life's being great nor depressing.
rather, life now is simply... simple. routine. expected. quiet.

since one month ago, i fear even the touch of my computer - stopped using the computer, stopped using my mobile phone, simply cutting myself from the world out there.

though i started logging into my hotmail - and wow, hundreds of mails to clear, mostly from facebook - friends request, photos tagged, photos comments etc - yet, i haven't even click on those mail yet - simply left them there and see maybe in a few months i'll just click on those emails and look at those comments and messages.

msn and facebook is a serious NO NO for me now and maybe for the next few months.
sorry friends, i dont have the courage to log on msn/facebook fearing the fact i might see things that im totally not ready for - like him with another girl or something like that.

no. im totally not ready for anything.

im still a little too not over him.

though, im all smily at work and at times at home - something is still mssing.
incomplete.
it's weird.
sometimes, a mean of sudden saddness and emotion outburst might caused me silence, teary and sometimes frustration and anger. and i just couldn't help it - it's there - the emotions so real.

once a broken heart,
it will never be healed.

and i hold a damaged, utterly shattered broken heart, mind and soul - forever.

actually, i don't even know what im typing - my hands doing magic, my mind blank.

work's not that great but there's this group of people that makes my working day looks so much brighter and happier - only knowing that they will be there makes me not dread going to work.

during the past one month, they're like the only people i hang out with.
im so lucily to have them in my life during my most difficult point in life - they make me go out with them, makes me smile and sometimes i even laugh. thank you miners! [=

and im still trying.
for the next few months and years.
nothing will be the same and im still trying to live each day.

love is nothing but a lie.

2009-02-10T16:57:00.002+08:00

time for a new job change(:

since i don't have the commitment now.

i'll have more money to spare! at least a few thousands extra >.<

wish me luck for a new job!

2009-01-18T02:49:00.003+08:00

im part-hongkong *

tickets for april - bought!

2009 - ideally.

Jan: bb come sg for cny(:
Apr: bb come sg, i'll fly back with bb on the 14th! wheeee~ :D
Jul: hk 7days
Oct: hk 7days
Dec: christmas breakkkk! 21days! lovelovelove~ <3

muahahahahaaaa.
see. im part-hongkong :P

2009-01-14T11:49:00.002+08:00

grey-ness.

boo.

so much readings to do
so much to understand
so much to memorise
so much to study

awwww. haiii.. hopefully something stays in the head after each class and revision):

books. words. essays. notes. lectures.

2009-01-13T23:17:00.005+08:00

the CREW *

awwww. loving my crew!
loving the chilling and board-gaming sessions after work(:

timbre @ 'old school'.

im loving it` (:

...

looking-forward to next sunday,
bb's coming over to sg for cny!!! wheeeeeeeee~~~ pak tall time >3<

2009-01-07T21:32:00.002+08:00

FAT days.

damn.

i need to lose some, no it's TONS of fats real soon!!!

BIG CRISIS ):
*helpppppppppppp~~~

2009-01-05T15:37:00.002+08:00

recall of the 2008 *

2008 being a real real real FAST-going year.
in fact, i couldn't remember much about 2008.

just some damn annoying and irritating changes at work with a gang of DEMONS.
and some dramas in the earlier part of the year? (which i think they happened? as a matter of fact i don't really remember what or anything actually took place? damn. >.<)

2008 can be considered a ... uh... ah... a year Y.S. Wong couldn't remember? lol? >.<

...

well it's now 2009! ...so who cares about 2008? hurhurhur :P

new sets of goals!
new sets of aims!

1001 things to accomplish!

omg!
where shall i start?

NOW! NOW!! NOW!!! :D

2009-01-01T21:34:00.000+08:00

happy new year 2009!!!

recall of 2008 : tomorroｗ * :P

2008-12-22T16:53:00.003+08:00

* 太 over ..

was browsing facebook.
realised a missing one or two.

超夸张！

they should just like it pass..

越在意，就会越刻意~

到最后会是心中和你们之间永远的刺！

2008-12-22T14:34:00.004+08:00

*静静的..

i need to STOP comparing.

人生不能做比较

生活方式不能做比较

朋友不能做比较

爱情不能做比较

best is to not compare any single thing!

要学会知足！知足才能常乐~

我要加油 laaa~

...

2008-12-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

...

从前有个傻瓜就在23年前的今天诞生了！
happy happy happy birthday * (:

...

i've got a date on 15th dec!
omg!! 2days to go!!
oh-so-looking-forward to that day!!! :D

2008-12-05T13:29:00.002+08:00

...

昨晚，本大小姐我又失控了。。

还好到最后一切安好！

唉。。真糟糕~ >.<

倒数还有十天！

...

in ❤ lo.vE with my pinky ipod nano *

2008-12-03T15:22:00.004+08:00

...

冬天，离我就在那几天。。

不知不觉十二月来临了。
2008年就快要结束，
而我又在这一年里做了什么，学了什么，又领悟了什么？
仿佛在2008年，我慢慢从小女孩变成了比以往稍微成熟一点点的小女人吧！

在人生道的路上我还不知道要的是什么，
也不知道将来要向往怎样的事业，人生或爱情。

可是我相信。。老天应该自有安排吧！
我就做好我自己就好！(:

...

god. i've been spending too much money! ):

2008-11-22T22:53:00.002+08:00

22 november 2008，[[ 星期六]]

想了很多。。

人啊。。就不要太死心眼!

所以我决定从这一秒起。。做我自己!

...

我啊就是典型的牧羊座 girl *

我啊就是朋友少就是个宅女就是不喜欢和不认识的人说话！

这是我最舒服最喜欢最“我”的生活方式！

努力的想做另一个人，为何不做好自己！

我是世界唯一的我！无可取代！

想通了。

p.s. i'll update some new photos in the next entry (:

2008-11-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

it's been ❤[[3]]❤ years since on the 14th.

people used to say...

爱人是痛苦的，
被爱才是幸福的。

but.. i feel that..

被爱有时候也可能是辛苦的。

...

2008-11-08T17:58:00.002+08:00

im tired.

...of everything in this fucked-up world.

so... fuck off thank u [=

2008-11-03T01:20:00.002+08:00

im sorry, but the devil is back to protect.

and the devil doesn't want to be seen nor heard by.

silence!

devil wants to be alone.

2008-11-02T21:45:00.002+08:00

all that i can do is just envy... and maybe ask god "why, why, why ...never me, never mine ...happiness"

yearning for a listening ear
yearning for a soul mate
yearning for a real friend
yearning for warmth
yearning for comfort
yearning for everything because i've got nothing.

empty promises.
empty heart.

oh that plastic smile, so many loved..
but can't u see it's fake?
and that behind that "lovely" smile is a broken girl..
are u all blind? or am that a good actress.

live a day, act a day.
the show is still going on, the stage is never leaving.
breathe, smile, turn and there the audience applause..

i dance, i twirl... forever.

2008-10-18T23:43:00.002+08:00

don't trust, never believe.. even if it's me.

only human.
too often - opps ; being unfaithful.
lies. betrayal. mistakes.

hatred. vengence. the urge to hurt and destroy.

deadly seductive, and yet dangerously addictive.

the urge, the addiction, that devil in you... to that sweet temptation.

once a devil, always devilish.

2008-10-15T23:02:00.001+08:00

omg.

too imaginative!

i want my GUCCI ):

2008-10-10T23:57:00.002+08:00

the mistake of my life was made when i was 16.

if only i could turn back time to when i was 16..
or mayb if i could choose, i won't want to be in this world.
and i never understand what for am i situated in this world.

too insignificant.
no one.. no one's there.

belittled.
i hate.. hate the world.

truth.
imgaine the "happiness"
living the plastic world.

you. me. them.

2008-10-08T01:53:00.002+08:00

re-bling-ed my lappie!

90% done; only ET is missing * heh.

still love being princessy <3

love *

p.s. photos of new lappie up soon(:

2008-09-12T17:56:00.001+08:00

keeping to the schedule is not a chore, but an achievement!

plan one, follow it.

and u realised life's so much more meaningful *

2008-09-10T02:27:00.002+08:00

passion never dies, it just went into hide for awhile.

back to watching taiwan dramas..
the last was Rainie and Mike's "huan huan ai"

now..

篮球火!!!

love it! ...when especially it concerns basketball * <3

how i wish i could live a more interesting and fulfilling life..
but baybe said tht i've watched too much tv):

sighhh.

forever coming up with new ideas to make my life special and unique..
yet when will that day be true?
hmmm.

2008-09-08T16:36:00.003+08:00

happiness with a tinge of sadness.

it feels SO SO SO good to be able to keep to the schedule that i've planned for myself! three cheers :D ...feels accomplished!

the wedding dinner yesterday night was great!
may i wish the couple forever happiness~ <3

with the bride *

learnt a new way to dealt with unhappiness.
simply sleep over it *
i did just that yesterday night.. smile(:

2008-09-06T00:44:00.002+08:00

over-grown with a *boom.

starting to aged - mentally, too fast.
thinking like a 35-year-old when im still only a 22-year-old fine lady.. ):
i've grown up over the months and weeks.. i realised.

though still wanna be that little girl in heart;
the mind and actions stated otherwise.
oh my oh my.. old cake *

new perspectives on relationships and life,
looking for the bigger things in life rather than the mini details.
yearning for success and accomplishments!

not an issue of whether will i succeed or not.
it's just a matter of time * [=

2008-08-16T15:07:00.002+08:00

get well soon*

one of my good old friend's sick for a long long time.
here, i hope that he'll get well real soon!
[=

...

//*miss dancing..

2008-07-20T16:49:00.002+08:00

music is love.

back from malaysiaaaa!
extremely relaxing trip(:

realised how much i love music..
even though im not a musician, who learn music since young.
mayb i'll want to start understanding and learning music from now,
giving myself a chance to pursue my love for music.

i might fail,
but i'll try and do my best.

music helps me relax,
music makes me happy.
music walked with me during the darkest moments of my life.

hence, i want to try.
making music my ultimate life partner(:

2008-07-18T01:15:00.004+08:00

breathe.

will be away for 2days.
malaysiaaaaa, my daddy's hometown(:
time to runaway from singapore for a break,
though it's a real short one.

looking forward to a slightly longer break in hongkong during end august, and a even longer, 3weeks break during christmas!
love spending christmas in hongkong* <3

gangsta love* >3<

iloveu, Ernest Tang*

i hate those cunning fugly ~~sluts~~ bitches at work.
because they're too fugly to be sluts.

2008-07-15T00:30:00.002+08:00

start anew, shall we?

every now and then,
i wonder if we could forget about the past and all unhappiness,
start all over again - as friends once more.

i understand that time will never turn back,
and things will never be the same.

but if we try, is it possible?

2008-07-13T21:31:00.002+08:00

questions with no answers; refrained.

im a girl who wants to know why.
a girl with tons and tons of questions.
a girl who love answers.

but...

i need to stop asking, to please.
hence, the prick and uncomfort in the heart.
who cares?
no one.
so, it's there.

how does it feel to be in a normal relationship?

it's being too long, i've already forgotten the feeling.

looking at the people around,
i tried to console myself, that one day happiness will be with me.
it's hard, and im still trying each day.

especially when im doing it all by yourself.

maybe it's time to be alone again..
isn't it so me?
to be running away.

oh yes,
im running away - again.

so much thoughts.
so much feelings.
so much to say.

yet no one listen.

one single happy entry brings a thousand emtional ones.

god, help me.

2008-07-11T22:50:00.002+08:00

tired, yet meaningful *

don't mess with the zohan, was hell funny!
love adam sandle to bits*

more movies! yay!

been so busy recently,
school after work till 10pm.
SIM is so far away from home.. one hour bus ride!
omg >.<

2008-07-09T00:33:00.002+08:00

too broken; till my heart is healed.. im gone.

with a totally broken heart.
with a pair of eyes that tear each night.
with a mind that stressed too much.

too much verbal abused.

how am i supposed to be patient?
how am i supposed to cope?
how am i supposed to love?

harsh words.
unloving actions and behaviour.

how am i supposed to endure and deal with and not go insane?

insanity.

help. i need so much help.
my body, mind and soul couldn't handle anymore.

insanity.
depression.

just a matter of time.

2008-07-07T23:49:00.002+08:00

ups and downs, just a snap of my fingers.

first day of school: statistics.
so far so good - at least that's first 2 chapters done >.<

looking-forward to wednesday class: maths. - hope it's gonna be alright too >.<

...

one minute, im high in the sky.
the next, i can be down in hell.

that's how my mood and emotions moves - always on the extremes. needs to work harder, to control my mind instead of having my mind controlling my every move; which is so bad at times.

baby told me something yesterday night.

and all i can say is...

i love u, Ernest Tang Hock Him* <3

2008-07-06T14:43:00.002+08:00

the slightest happiness will be broken; breathe.

tomorrow will be the first day of my new school.
hence, busy myself with my ultra messy room the whole morning, hoping to clear and prepare a nice study area. i'll be nerding through the next 3years, hopefully at least 2nd upper? >.<

anyway.. my room's only 1/2 way done. sighhh.
but, keeping myself busy is good for my health.
especially on my off days. keeps my mind sane and at peace.

pizza for lunch was good. convenient and simple(:

...

met up with darlin ariel ytd for movie(:
Wanted was good; love it totally * <3

...

unhappiness shall not be mentioned.
because all i need to do is to breathe... breathe.. breathe..
and i'll be fine, eventually.

plenty of challenges ahead.
so much to learn and overcome.

...and i know im gonna succeed, not only succeed but excel(:

2008-07-04T11:37:00.005+08:00

smile, because i've freed myself.

with july already here,
i've finally moved on, im finally free.

with this new start,
i'll live a new life, in fact, am living a much better life since im back from hk 2weeks back.

no more stupid arguements.
no more crazy thoughts.
no more silly tears.
no more unhappy me.

everything around me now is happy and simple(:

i love my family.
i love my boyfriend.
i love my friends.

simple things makes my world go around!

2008-06-15T01:55:00.002+08:00

dear john.

was reading a book by nicholas sparks.
there's things that he wrote - just so true, so real.

mayb i shall share in the next post.

2008-06-12T22:15:00.004+08:00

stressed; if only i've the ability to help..

if only i've the ability to help..
feeling so helpless and useless..

sighhh.

swear im gonna study hard, work hard and...
earn loads of money so that my family will be able to live a better life.

i swear, im gonna do it.

...

i think im doing better now in the relationship.
though, still have much room for improvement.
i know im improving.

much to learn, much to improve.

2008-05-22T23:42:00.003+08:00

a prick in the heart; that imperfection.

sometimes, i have this feeling that im gonna bring this along forever in my life.
never can i ditch it aside, nor am i able to move on without this.
it's like i can never move on at all.

life's never perfect.

and this will be one of my many imperfections in my life.

it stung every now and then.
like a prick in the heart.

but i know im gonna get used to it.
or have i already got used to this thorn in my heart?

...

imissuyetagain.

2008-05-21T21:30:00.003+08:00

sick sick sickkk.

am sick for the past few days.
skipped work on sunday - slept 18hours a day.
keke. im such a sleepyhead *

gastric problem.
always the bad gastric giving me problems.
and when fever and flu dropped by to visit at the same time - ouch *

other than that, life's being pretty good!
...mayb just a little broke after paying my school fees and air tickets. boo!

bebe's good.
though needs to be more sensitive * bleah.

gangsta` love *

made a couple of good friends in my almost a year in OC * [=

old friends, come and gone.

ageing as time passes by each day.
grown up?
mature a little more as compared to yesterday?
awwww. that, im not sure.
hee.

im just the same old me * [=

2008-04-21T00:14:00.001+08:00

vanished.
disappeared.
gone.

2008-04-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

tired of crying.
tired of feeling unsecured.
tired of giving all.
tired of being alone.
tired of the broken heart, broken life, broke me.
basically... tired of everything.

the only people who i need, is those who need me.

and apparently, no one needs me now.

but im sure, one day..

there'll be someone whom we'll need each other in our lives - cheering each other up, smiling together in the life journey we'll be walking together, supporting each other, loving each other, needing each other - in good and even during bad times.

2008-04-16T23:35:00.002+08:00

it's being 2 years since..
...and my bf still feels the prick.

my bf just hates adidas and dkny ever since.

and i just got myself a new adidas watch.

sighhhh..

2008-04-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

envious of people who smile in their relationship.
envious of people who get so much love from their partner.
envious of people who get the attention and respect.
envious of people who found true love.
envious of people who are able to move on.
envious of people who left me behind in the past.

mayb my love life is born to be a pain.
mayb i have to go through years and years of heartaches and tears before i finally smile.
mayb this is just my life to live.

mayb... mayb... mayb...

i'll get used to the pain.
i'll get used to those tears.
i'll get used to the loneliness.
i'll get used to those insults.

the most stupid girl ever on earth.
and the most silly too.

hurting myself over and over again, yet refusing to let go.

my life is a joke,
and the joke is on me.

2008-04-12T00:34:00.002+08:00

never know this is how it's felt...

relax. comfortable. free. calm. peace.

this is how "moving on" and "letting go" should made u feel.

unlike in the past.
those moments of uncertainty, unsettling, amazingly fast and irregular heartbeats etc.
no more, all no more.

i am gonna be a if not happy, at least peaceful girl.

2008-04-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

town. sushi. neoprint. shopping. singk.

spendspendspend...

Anna Sui lipstick.
Elle glasses.
flipflop.

...

sometimes,
i just hate knowing the fact that im getting older as the days goes by....
it makes me sad, down and scared.....

3months more before i get to see u again....
missing u terribly much....